Contact Do’s and Don’ts
- DO keep a chronology of contact or lack of it – we can send you a template free of charge.
- DO keep the arrangements regular, but flexible if need be. It’s important that children have a framework and a routine that they can rely on.
- DO plan the contact times ahead together. Keep a large write-on calendar or calendar on your PC.
- DO remember that in the early days following a split, any contact is better than none. It may not be possible to sort out a regular pattern of contact after you first separate. It may be tempting to say that you will not have contact for a while because you feat that it might disrupt the children too much. Do not go down that route.
- DO keep time. If you agree to collect or return children at particular times, you should stick to them. Similarly, if the children are being collected from you, you should have them ready at the correct time. If something unexpected causes a delay, call and inform the other parent or the children.
- DO NOT use your children against the other parent. Children will know if they are being used as spies and may be more robust and sophisticated then you realise.
- DO NOT behave as though the child’s time is a possession you are entitled to. Contact is the child’s right to see the parent, and not the other way about. The children have the rights.
- DO use telephone calls as a way of keeping in touch. If you are the one phoning the child, try to agree with your spouse about when would be the best time.
- DO NOT turn every contact visit into a wild outing like a theme park. Low-key activities may be just as pleasurable and valuable for your children. What they want is your time and attention; spending money on them does not compensate for a lack of time or love. Try just “chilling out”.
- DO NOT assume that if the children come back from a contact visit cross, fractious or hyped up, the visit is causing them harm. Children are often like this at the end of any hectic day so don’t blame your spouse or the visit. The children may be upset because the hand over from one parent to another reminds them of what they have lost, but this does not mean that contact is something traumatic that should be avoided.
- DO use all means to stay in touch: if you are the non-resident parent, it is easy to feel that you have lost, or are losing, your relationship with your children. Children are capable of sustaining close and intimate relationships with people that they do not see everyday and using the telephone, email, letters, picture postcards, mobile phones instant messaging can help.
Consult the experts. For more information or a free legal opinion telephone 020-7381-8111 (24 hour service) or email law@rhplaw.co.uk.
